if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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