if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
