"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
