Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
