I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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