It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
