my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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