Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
