I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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