True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
