'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just want to make out with him forever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
