i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
