I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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