I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
