If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
