If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
