i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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