I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
