he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
