the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize