You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize