my phone needs a breathalizer
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
