He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize