Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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