I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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