u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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