Your dad touched me again.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
