escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
