with your own penis?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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