How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
