hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
