it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You need a sexual gate keeper
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize