we have pet lesbian snakes
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
