you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
