Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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