Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
