4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
