you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
