haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
