does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
