Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In America we eat man semen.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize