remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
