Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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