Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm like, not good at living.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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