I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
