Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize