My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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