yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize