The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
