so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
