you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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