i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
