i used baking grease as lip gloss
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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