That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she peed on how many people?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
