so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
