i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
