So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
