saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
