just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize