Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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