so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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