Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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