Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
