I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
