The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
