so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I had to cum in my sink.
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