Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
