peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
