Buhtt sex?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
