In America we eat man semen.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
