Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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